Dear Vice Presidential Wannabees…

I have a bone to pick with you both. First, Governor Palin; who the fuck do you think you’re kidding? Do you seriously think you have what it takes to be second in line for the most powerful seat in the world? You were governor of Alaska for what, two years? There have been Republican candidates in the senate that have taken shits longer than that. You’re a publicity stunt. A damned effective one, but one nonetheless. What irritates me about you is your complete lack of comprehension of your own status. You know how Paris Hilton carries a little dog in her purse? You are that dog to John Mccain’s Paris Hilton. Now don’t get me wrong, you’re doing well. You’re smoking hot (well, comparatively) and just plain adorable in small doses. But listening to your “Don’cha’noe” accent for more than a minute or so at a time makes me want to headbutt an infant. The women of America don’t support you because they relate to you or because you hold views they agree with, they support you because you’re pretty and portray a “no-nonsense” attitude. You’d be a perfect character on some show on Oxygen, but VP? I don’t think so.

Dear Senator Biden, you pompous annoying prick. Watching you last night on the debate with Governor Palin got me thinking “Gee, listen to how he talks, he sure is an arrogant bastard.” Do you listen to yourself talk? At least she sounded like a normal human being and not some alien robot from the Planet Shitdontstink. You made the debate more boring than I could have ever imagined. Please, never talk again. Use little cards or speak through Barack but NO MORE TALKING.

Now, I cared about the points raised to a certain point but after 15 minutes I wanted blood. I wanted to see Senator Biden pull the stick out of his ass and bop Governor Palin on her cute little head with it, or see Katie Couric come out wearing nothing but a bikini with a swimming pool of creamed corn and challenge Palin to a wrestling match. Seriously. Please? But no. Instead I get to hear 2 people talk about this and that and establish ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING. They did nothing to help the opinions of voters. Instead, they wasted my Thursday night. You bastards made me miss the second episode of Season 5 of The Office. Every channel had these bastards on it. So instead, I had to concentrate on wiping 3 times on Kaz’rogal due to people not knowing how to RUN THE FUCK AWAY WHEN LOW ON MANA. In retaliation, you two get no votes and I hope you both get hemorrhoids. In the mean time, I’ll be checking out foreign real estate. So long and thanks for all the fish, fuckers.


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